Please, come closer.

Hey, 1 blog post in a month.
It came to the end of June, tomorrow will be a new month again.
So, it has been nearly 2 months since we are re-connected.

I had a silly and stupid idea, I gave myself a duration: 3 months.
I wanted accompany you and use my method to be with you virtually for 3 months.
Then, I will force myself to leave.

I made this decision after 1 month we re-connected, 9th of June.
I hidden my silly idea.
Until one night, you said you scare that you will get use to my companion.
This shocked me and I kept thinking the whole night "Am I too selfish? Why I choose to stay with you and both of us get use to it, then I choose to leave?"
How could I do that... I make you get use to it then I choose to leave you without telling earlier, then you have to take time to get use to the new condition again.
That's not my aim, I always hope you are alright and I am satisfy.

Finally, I chose to tell you this 3 months duration idea, my stupid and silly idea.
Told you the real feeling hidden in heart, everytime I think of leaving you when the day comes, I could feel the heart-ache. I hate to countdown.
Why I have this 3 month duration: Everyone should have a duration to go through all the sad times, then make yourself wake up and face a new start.
3 month is enough, enough for you to recover, enough for me to stay with you virtually.
And, you told me "Don't be so silly, it's not a new year countdown!"

So, we still connected, today.
9th of August is the time I set for saying goodbye, I never want to say goodbye.
But now, both of us are alright, still having conversation everyday and I like to tell you everything.
But do you know, I am quite tired... at the moment I don't know what you think about me.
I scare and afraid of I am annoying, always disturb you.
You always say no and don't know but never tell me the real thinking.

I understand. But I really quite tired.
I promised not to leave, and I don't hope give up easily.
I have no idea how to make myself be energetic again, from this fatigue mind and body.

Hey, I am still here, won't leave. 
But do you mind come closer to me? Just a step closer, and I will take the other steps.